Great Wisconsin Cheese Fest
Your last meal consisted of…
a) A three-cheese sandwich with Gruyère, cheddar and Swiss (4 pts)
b) Why spend calories on solid food when there’s wine around? (2 pts)
c) Don’t remember. Too engaged in my novel. (1 pt)
d) Food-on-a-stick while standing outdoors, brewski in hand (3 pts)
e) Something edible from the nearest drive-through (5 pts)
After work, you head straight to…
a) The playlot, kids in tow (3 pts)
b) The fridge, for cheese, please! (4 pts)
c) The bar, doy (2 pts)
d) Your couch, with a microbrewed beer and a good book (1 pt)
e) The parking lot and then the car wash and then a drive (5 pts)
What are you currently reading?
a) Parker’s Wine Buyer’s Guide, 7th Edition (2 pts)
b) Thomas Pynchon’s latest (1 pt)
c) I Am the Cheese (4 pts)
d) Kelley Blue Book 2009, for the 12th time (5 pts)
e) The Trib’s Cubs coverage (3 pts)
What’s your ideal Sunday afternoon?
a) Cornhole (3 pts)
b) Waxing (If you think this relates to your body, subtract two points.) (5 pts)
c) Another day lost to drinking (2 pts)
d) Heading up to Wisconsin outlet malls; stopping for gas-station cheese curds (4 pts)
e) Rocking a poetry slam (1 pt)
Your favorite drinking game is…
a) Cornhole (3 pts)
b) Six degrees of Philip Roth (1 pt)
c) I don’t drink; I’m the DD. (5 pts)
d) Wineopoly (2 pts)
e) Isn’t there one where you win cheese? (4 pts)
If you were an animal, you’d be…
a) Boxer the horse (1 pt)
b) A Guernsey cow (4 pts)
c) A lab named Wrigley (3 pts)
d) The Yellow Tail kangaroo (2 pts)
e) Roadkill (5 pts)
6–10 points
Chicago Tribune Printers Row Lit Fest Booklovers, find classic and obscure titles for sale at this fest. Gather at South Loop bars to drink and discuss your finds or hear outdoor poetry readings, author discussions and debates. Chicago Tribune Printers Row Lit Fest, Dearborn St between Congress Pkwy and Polk St (chicagotribune.com/entertainment/events/printersrow); Sat 6, Sun 7, 10am–6pm; free.
11–15 points
Chicago Botanic Garden Wine Festival Have at it, winos: Swish, smell and sip from more than 200 wine varieties from around the globe. 1000 Lake-Cook Rd, Glencoe (chicagobotanicgardenwinefestival.com). Sat 6, noon–7pm; Sun 7, noon–6pm; $30, in advance $25, designated-driver ticket $10.
16–21 points
The Raven North Siders gather round for three days and nights of live music, food and entertainment at this classic neighborhood street fest. Proceeds benefit Community Build Tutors, free tutoring to youth at Chase Park. Chase Park, 4701 N Ashland Ave (starevents.com/raven). Fri 5, 5–10pm; Sat 6, noon–10pm; Sun 7, noon–9pm; $5.
22–27 points
Great Wisconsin Cheese Fest Constipation be damned, cheese heads can consume cheesecake, curds, and soft and hard cheese to their heart’s content. Doyle Park, 100 Van Buren St, Little Chute, WI (wi-littlechute.civicplus.com). Fri 5, 5pm–midnight; Sat 6, 10:25am–midnight; Sun 7, 8am–5pm; $5, kids ages 4–12 and under $3, Sunday free.
28–30 points
Chi-Town STA-BIL Kruze Get your wheels in gear to participate in the classic-car cruise that features around 1,000 unique makes and models. From Roosevelt Rd and Michigan Ave to Randolph St and Columbus Dr (847-997-8624, chitownkruze.com). Sat 6, 8am–noon.
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